1 I get so tired of this constant ball of stress
2 Bubbling in my belly, it won’t rest.
3 I get so tired of asking every single day,
4 Where do I fit in, will I ever be the same?
5 Will I ever be the same as these Americans?
6 All yelling to mask their self-consciousness,
7 Well there’s the first strike, baby I’m confident.
8 But still, they all look so happy,
9 And they have so much money,
10 And it seems like all they have to worry about
11 Is getting good grades and watching their mouths.
12 Or will I ever fit in,
13 Maybe with the Serbians?
14 No, they will always see me as a foreigner
15 As someone who will never learn.
16 I get so tired
17 Of trying every day
18 To put on this face
19 This face of an American who never even left,
20 To look completely comfortable and never stressed…
21 But it’s all getting to be
22 Way too much you see.
23 Because I will never be an American,
24 And I will never be a Texan,
25 Singing that anthem song,
26 That chance is long gone.
27 So no matter how expectant you all are of me,
28 You all want me to be someone I cannot be.
29 You can act like those eight years never happened,
30 Like I’m just the same as when I left,
31 But I’m sorry to tell you that that girl is gone.
32 My American status is gone.
33 My understanding of your culture is gone.
34 And my hope to ever be the same as you is gone.
35 Moving my life across the sea
36 Ripped that all away from me.
37 You’re going to have to accept
38 My other aspect.
39 Because I’ve lived in Serbia for half my life
40 And who I am now inside
41 Is neither here nor there
42 It’s this jumbled up knot and I swear
43 It will never be untangled
44 It will never be wrangled
45 It’s crazy and it’s wild
46 And god it makes me smile
47 To look at what God has done with me,
48 What he’s done with my family,
49 The places he’s put us,
50 (Even though we made a fuss)
51 That made me who I am today,
52 That made me an mk,
53 Something no one can ever take away.
54 I’m sorry if that’s scary,
55 I mean, not really.
56 You’re just going to have to deal
57 With the part of me that’s real
58 Because I am done trying to be someone I’m not
59 So that maybe you’ll give me a shot.
60 If you don’t want the real me,
61 Then that’s just how it’ll have to be.
62 Dear friends and family,
63 I hope this wasn’t upsetting,
64 But I just had to tell you,
65 That I’m a different girl now.
66 I’m a little messed up and a little crazy,
67 So take me or leave me.
68 I’m an mk, and I always will be.